Friday, October 12, 2007

Drinks in a jar are usually poison.

Oh man wow. I'm going to start with a little non-pup related side note in saying that while $9 fishbowls are not only a steal but also a nice gift from Bamboo, thursday night drunk ons can be the worst worst worst. Although, I did get to sleep until 2 in the afternoon, which was nice. I felt bad for Andrew (He's my gentleman friend. Did you know? Did you know that things like that can happen to me?) because he had to go to work at 9. Oh well. I felt even worse for Peter Roe. When I walked into him today, he had a black eye from smashing his face on a door in his apartment. He was the drunkest one there last night, dropping his cigarette into the urinal and being super sad. My point is that while I sure enjoyed myself all last night, thursday is a bad day to go out because friday still happens. Ok, onto pups.

Beagle puppy! Holy! I've always said beagles are the second cutest puppy (only after bassett hounds, the dog of sorrow) and have I ever been proven right. There's a puppy named Buster at the dog park who's 10 weeks old and has the biggest ears ever. I bet he can hear the past with those. He just runs around and jumps on everything and has the least cute owners ever. I think that's pretty funny. Dumpy dude and frumpy franny walking around in their sweat pants and frowns, owning the most perfect ball of sunshine surprises ever. Hilarious.

Also made a puppy friend in front of Shwarma King on thanksgiving. Looked like a german shepherd crossed with something else. It was super friendly and licked my hand and then I accidently rubbed the puppy spit into Andrew's hand and I don't remember if I told him or not so maybe he's reading this and getting cross at me. I hope that pup had a nice thanksgiving. Little puppy sized yorkshire pudding made of milk bones and barf. Those are a puppy's favourite comfort foods.

Thanksgiving was fun because I got to see Mabel Black Label. She spent most of the night sleeping under a towel, emerging only to eat part of a pie that was sitting on a table. It's weird when you can describe a tiny puppy as being tall, but she is. She's really tall and impressive. Another impressive thing that happened was I ate the hugest piece of turkey skin in one bite. It was about this big (if you could see me you'd see I am holding my hands about a novel's length apart. Length meaning size wise, not word wise. I should've used a better object than a novel. How about a standard DVD case? Imagine a DVD case made out of turkey skin. Ok) Anyways, my Dad said I shouldn't do it because I'd probably die, but Andrew dared me so I had to. I was so full after that I could barely eat anymore food. Then Mabel ate a bunch of ice cream and I was really surprised she didn't shit everywhere after. Best thanksgiving ever.

My life's been fairly pup free lately, which is kind of sad, but other funny stuff happens. I got drunk and wore sunglasses on monday, that was pretty great. What else? Ughh, nothing really. That's a long enough entry. Fuck off.


Monday, September 17, 2007

Mabel, Black Label!

I've had a couple opportunities these past couple of weeks to spend time with some pretty neat dogs. Not only that, I've been having pup-heavy dreams the past few nights, which is exciting. AND Mythbusters last night was about dog myths. Pretty much the best week ever.

My mom had a friend of hers staying with us for about a week. He is a man named Art who is funny and kind of strange. Someone said he looked like Allen Ginsberg, which I would agree with. Art has a really fuzzy dog named Billie, who is very nice. She was staying with us too. She is very smart and does what she is told. Billie has really thick black fur that gets everywhere, and after she left my mom and I kept finding big piles of it everywhere. Some looked like dead guinea pigs. The only problem with Billie was that every morning she would jump up and down at the front door to go outside, which is right over my bed. This resulted in me yelling "shut the fuck uuuuup" until I realized that you should never get mad at a dog about wanting to go out and smell things. That is all they know and we cannot blame them for that. We should just not go to bed at 7 after drinking and eating toast all night. If we didn't do that then the jumping up and down wouldn't bother us at all.

My aunt got a puppy! Holy crap. Amazing. It is a GOLDENDOODLE. That is a Golden Retriever crossed with a Standard Poodle. It just looks like a Golden Retriever with wavy hair. Her name is Mabel and man, what a great puppy. She is the calmest thing ever. I mean it. Out of everything that exists, she is the calmest. She doesn't bark or jump around or get overly excited. She just hangs out. If you sit on the floor, she'll walk over and sit in your lap and fall asleep. I almost barfed when that happened. And if you're standing up she'll lie between your feet looking adorable. She was really long legs and giant paws, so she's all gangly and awkward. I wish I was hanging out with her right now! I bet we will be best friends. I will take her for walks and give her puppy baths and teach her how to hi-five and say "awesoooome".

My friend Rory also has a puppy named Elsa. He keeps posting pictures of her on the internet which makes me jealous. She is a German Shepherd and they are my favourite type of dog. I wish I could see her in real life, but Rory lives in England. I also wish I could see Rory in real life. Yesterday I missed him pretty badly, so I decided to get a picture of him blown up so that I can hang it on my wall. Hopefully I will get to go to England and then I don't have to settle for a stupid picture.

Last night I had good and also very annoying dream. The good part was that I was training pups how to do amazing things, like drop from helicopters and do flips in water and stuff. The annoying part was that boys I like had brought other girls to a party AND I lost my pizza in a port-o-potty. So lame.

Well that wasn't a spectacular update. Whatever, eat shit.


Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Some Day

Today I saw a beagle named Jimmy. He was wearing a weird harness that looked like a tiny little vest. I wonder what it would be like if dogs wore clothes all the time? Probably off putting. Although, a beagle in a little old fashioned bank teller's outfit would be cute. With the green visor and tiny gold rimmed glasses, all with a pen up behind his floppy ear. Looking at bank notes and tisking, paw up to mouth and what have you. Adorable.

There's this nice dog at the dog park named Kayla. She just stands beside you and lets you pet her, doesn't get excited really. I like that. Like a pal just hanging out, looking at the skyline with you. If she could talk, I'm sure we'd have conversations about construction and trees and other plain things that we can see. Those are the best conversations. The ones where you just talk about the things in front of you. "Look at that fantastic puzzle book." "That is a book filled with puzzles!" "You bet!" etc.

I was reading all about Laika the other day, which is something I like to do from time to time. If you don't know who Laika is well geez! Any little dog that gets blasted into space should have a statue of itself in every town. Or better yet, a whole town dedicated to it. And not like a Disneyland town, with fake cottages and themed shops and fat kids eating too much ice cream and crapping themselves everywhere. Those towns suck and I wish they would just call them zones or quadrants because picturing myself living in a place like that is chilling. I mean a real town where humans live and love. Like Banff. Only, Laika. Anyways, she wore a little space helmet and they sent her into orbit and she totally died.

I'm hoping to see more puppies. Haven't seen a baby dog in a while, and they are preeeeeetty cute. Have you ever seen their paws? Did you know that they are so tiny?


Saturday, August 11, 2007

Day 2 technically

Alright ok I know I know. I haven't updated this in over a month and I was all "every day" when I started it but know what fuck you.

I've seen COUNTLESS dogs in the past month and a week or whatever it's been. Here is like, an all-star list.

I saw this border collie when I went to Horseshoe Canyon with some pals. Horseshoe Canyon is this place by the dinosaur park that you can look at and enjoy, scenically. I bought a dinosaur tendon there that my friend Jeff says isn't real, but what the fuck does he even know about dinosaurs? Anyways, the dog was sniffing around and my friend David and I joked about how he was like a truffle hunting pig, only fossils and a dog instead. Pretty great.

I saw these two girls walking a tiny little puppy in the rain today. The girls were young and wore matching rain coats, leading me to believe they were sisters. Sisters walking their sister puppy. The puppy looked like a pointer of some type. It did not like the rain and was making a sad face. Cute! Like people.

Chloe is a dog that belongs to my friend Matt. He brought her to a party we had that was banging, and she liked it. She is a party dog. Someone put a bandana on her at one point and she looked like one of those dogs that hangs out on a porch with gross bearded dudes. The main reason she looked like that was because she was hanging out with gross bearded dudes on a porch. They are my friends. So is Chloe. She's a black lab/rotti cross and when she hits you with her tail it hurts a little. She tried to steal a cheeseburger.

When I went to Vernon last month I saw a few dogs. There was one who was in the bed of a truck and he kept pacing back and forth to smell the air as he rode along. I was in the car with some friends(a family of five(made with triplets)and my pal Brady) and one (Harvey Warren, extreme dad) was pretending to be the dog. He talked in a funny dog voice and said things the dog might be saying. That was the joke (get it?). The dog could be saying things like "What's over here? What's over there? What's back here? Blue Car! What's over there? A BEE BARK BARK BARK! What's over here?" etc. while doing its manic pacing thing. Try saying that last dog talk example in a dog voice. It'll be funny.

This guy's not a dog but he forced me to eat a meatloaf sandwich a few weeks ago. I mean it. He made me one and gave me an apple juice and made me sit down and eat it. I didn't really want it, but it was good and it was nice of him to give me a sandwich. It's just really confusing when someone is doing something nice for you in a mean way. I also told him I'd mention that, so I held up my end of the bargain.

Ok, there's an ok update. I really promise I will do it with more regularity, that way I can remember more about the dogs I see. I have heart burn now. Bye.


Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Day one and a half

I forgot to mention there is a dog park down the street from my house. I have to walk through it a couple times a day, so I think I'll make bulk "Dog Park" write ups rather than 15 or so seperate dog ones. Here's one now!

Dog Park 1.
About ten dogs out tonight. Mostly slipper dogs, which I'm not a huuuuuge fan of, but they're nice enough. There was one really lazy golden retreiver hanging out under a tree while a border collie kept trying to hump it. A burmese mountain dog was fighting a german shepherd pup, pretty cute. They little one kept winning! What a champ! I saw a corgi steal a lick from its owner's ice cream. I hope it doesn't crap itself later. Best of all was a little Westhighland that didn't even have poopy pants. I like it best when normally daggy dogs are poop free.

Dog 2.
There's a dog named Matty that hangs out on the grass between the street and the sidewalk in front of its house a couple blocks down from me. It is old and friendly. I think he's a german shepherd/rotti but I don't know for sure. He barks at you when you walk by, but in a nice way. Today I pet him.

Ok, that's all for today I think. That is unless I see some super adorable pup.


Day One.


So, the idea behind this blog is very simple. Every day I will write about the dogs I see while I'm out and about. It will be like an official log of pups in and around Calgary. I can even post pictures and things! This is very serious business, by the way. I don't take pups lightly.

I might as well start right now, as I've already seen a good puppy!

Puppy 1.
Oh man, sooooooo cute. It looked to be maybe 2 months old, still really fluffy and confused looking. I think it was a yorkshire terrier. It was all over heated and looked like it was sleepy. Tried to go to sleep under a car! Aww! Its owner was a really skinny girl in a purple dress. She was on a cell phone outside of a nail salon. She had a little cup of water for the puppy. So nice!

Dog 1.
Technically I saw this dog yesterday, but holy crap. Totally made my day. It was the fattest basset hound EVER. I walked by it and the owner said "It's a slow walk". Holy! Yeah! Its belly was almost on the ground! And basset hounds always look so sad. Amazing.

Ok, so there's a sample of what's to come. Keep checking back, as I will try and update this everyday (with the exception of this weekend when I will be in Vernon). Ok. Awesome.